hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
