I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
