Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
