I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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