giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
