there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
