...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
