Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
