Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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