Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
