are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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