Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
