Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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