Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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