I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
