So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
