i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
