You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
