the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
