i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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