so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
