I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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