Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
