Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Im part way to drunk.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
