he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So much rum. So many feels.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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