I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
