Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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