As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
