mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
