Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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