o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize