1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
