I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
