do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
