dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
