you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
