Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
