we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
