I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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