we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize