i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
