I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
