Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
3 2 1 whiskey
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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