marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
