he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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