sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
