Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Porn is love you can see.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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