I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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