she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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