Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
