question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
