yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
