Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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