You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
