He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
