your parents love me but you hate me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
