who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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