literally had 100 drinks last night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
