Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
