Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize