The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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