I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
