all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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