4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
