im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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