bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
