Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
