i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
