Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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