fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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