I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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