Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
