My Higher Power is John Stamos
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
