I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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