you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
