this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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