FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
