just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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