THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize