So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
