I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
