also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
