i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
