I smell stomach acid.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Quick, to the slutcave!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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