I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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