I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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