Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
