Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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