A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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