I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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