u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
