Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
