I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
