you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
