my mouth tastes like poor choices
the day after is always just damage control
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
