Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
