i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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