i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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