I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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